The News

So yet another of them got engaged. You might think I would be upset, because for awhile there I thought it might have been me who ended up with him, but if anything I'm relieved. And happy for them. This is the fourth time that someone I dated proposed to or married the next person they dated seriously after me. Is it a curse? Or is it a blessing? Does something about dating me make guys want to get serious after I'm out of the picture? For at least a second there I had to wonder whether I was inadequate. But I think the truth is I'm not ready for anything like that. I have so much I want to do and accomplish before I incorporate someone else into my life. Singledom really suits me at the moment. Even if I thought things were serious in the past, lately I've come to realize that I wasn't willing to give enough and try enough to make things work. Because I didn't care enough to put in the effort. As bad as that sounds, I really do think it's true. I think I knew deep down that none of them were the kind of relationships I really wanted. I didn't want to be swept off my feet like every girl deserves, and the exes were certainly not the sweeping type. I think it's good that I've come to terms with this. Because by knowing it, I realize that I should work harder in the future to really give it a go. And hopefully I will. But only if it's worth it, of course. And until I find someone who takes my breath away, I'll just keep on truckin'...